How Do You Know When You're Sick?

Asking for a (sick) friend

I’m not sure if this is a real question or a hypothetical questions, but -

How do you know when you’re sick?

I felt a little off on Sunday night. Maybe a little achy, definitely very tired. But I chalked it up to two hours of pickleball and some adventures around town. Plus Monday was a big day at work, a big kick off meeting we’ve been preparing for a while.

I set my alarm for 5:30 am and put myself to bed really early, 9:50. Mostly because I was so tired I couldn’t stay awake any longer.

I had a restless night of sleep. Some weird anxiety dreams about missing my big meeting. A little bit of coughing. Alternating between hot and cold (which very much a normal thing right now anyway). But I think my sleeping brain knew something was off. Like my sleeping brain was pre-planning that I wasn’t going to work and all the steps I needed to take for my outage.

My alarm went off in the morning. I was grumpy it was going off so early. I was tired. I didn’t want to wake up. But none of that was unfamiliar for an earlier morning commute day. But I also felt achy and groggy and almost unable to wake up.

Was I sick? I was sick? Maybe I was sick? How sick do I have to feel to be sick?

I pulled a small hail mary in the i’m-not-sick-department and reset my alarm for 7:00 am. This is my wake up time for work from home days. I could sleep a little more. Maybe get rid of the groggy. And then drive into work later in the day for the big meeting. (Hopeful, right?)

I tossed and turned for those 90 minutes until my alarm went off again. I didn’t feel good, but sometimes when you’re just in bed it’s just hard to tell what’s going on. Is that a cough? Am I achy? Or is it all just for being horizontal for the last 8 hours?

My alarm went off again at 7. I snoozed a few times. (Which is also not unusual). I had trouble opening my eyes. It didn’t feel like I could wake up. Was I sick? Should I call in sick?

Do you know what I’m talking about? Are you familiar with this?

I decided / gave in around 7:30, and sent messages to my team mates that I would be out. I checked my email. I covered all bases for the big meeting and the day - and then I immediately fell back asleep.

I was, indeed, sick.

But I only really confirmed that after spending the morning on the couch, in and out of sleep, in and out of coughing fits, and very into a mini-marathon of Law & Order.

Maybe I miss the validation of a Covid test? How else do you know when you’re sick? When you’re actually sick? Or when you’re contagious? Or when you should just rest?

And why are bodies (and brains, which are part of bodies) so confusing? Why did it take me so long to register that I was feeling off, or more than off? And why does starting to feel sick feel so confusing? Like how my brain was fighting it so much - like I couldn’t possibly be sick.

Why does it take so long to re-orient when being sick too? It feels so hard to retrieve what normal feels like when your head is suddenly in a vice and the coughing won’t stop and everything feels a little woozy. (Or a lot).

I have a salaried job with gobs of sick time and a boss and a team that is so flexible and also really cares about everyone’s wellbeing.

So then…why is it so hard to admit that I am sick and step away from work? (And everything else?)

The buffet of sick person: water, water, water, pills, pills & Chinese food

I was basically a sofa blob on Monday. Got a lot of episodes of L&E under my belt. Tuesday I was 85% sofa blob who attended a few work meetings without my camera on. Today I crossed that threshold (equally weird passing in the other direction) of feeling like a human again. Not better, but definitely human. I joined some meetings, I tried to work on a project but had zero focus. I went outside for a walk, which was a nice change - both to be somewhere other than the sofa and because it’s the first time it’s been above freezing in weeks.

Ah…nature. This is the little pull-off near the creek. Can you spot the ice skates? deer carcass? insulation packaging? Pristine!

With all of that - I am really curious - how do you know when you’re sick? Do you have some rule you apply? Sick criteria? Do you consider yourself well as long as you can drag yourself out of bed in the morning? Do you take sick days easily? (And can you teach me how?)

Brains are so funny when they try to interpret a world that doesn’t look or feel like it expects. I’m feeling better. And I hope you are well and continue to be well.

😷vanessa

P.S. Remember in 2020 how we all learned how to wash our hands? Keep washing your hands.