I Graduated Therapy 🎓🎉

Also, did you know about canned lentils?

First

Sorry for accidentally trolling everyone with my last missive about adopting a cat(erpillar).

Second

Let’s start with the most exciting part:

CANNED LENTILS

Did you know about canned lentils? Do you know that canned lentils exist?

We’re a big bean household. Yes, big beans (like Corona beans, you’ll only get that joke if you know how big they are) but also we just eat a lot of beans. Dry beans, canned beans, ALL THE BEANS.

So how did I not know until just a few weeks ago that canned lentils are a thing? Why did I not assume they exist?! I just found them in the canned bean aisle in the hippie section of Woodman’s.

I was so excited!!

Do you know how good lentils are?! And because they are so small how much better they are on salads or mixed with a few veggies? Highlight of the summer, no doubt. (Or, for now at least until the garden comes in.)

Do you like lentils? Did you know canned lentils exist? Do you think I’m crazy because lentils are so easy to cook why would I buy them canned? Do you have a favorite lentil recipe?

Third: But really - Graduating Therapy!! 🎉🎓

Per usual, that’s a misleading title.

I’ve been in and out of therapy since my early twenties. Earlier if you include the time I went to the counseling services at my undergraduate institution and was served by a baby therapist getting her training hours. (I realized I was gay and just needed to talk about it, including how to talk about it with others like my family.)

It comes in fits and starts (anxiety, relationships, trauma) when I need it. And ends when I move (usually) or stop needing it. I ghosted a therapist once.

This time around was in 2024 because I was super struggling with what I would largely put in the bucket of PERIMENOPAUSE: Pain everywhere and a body that kept changing in inexplicable ways. And a brain that kept changing too. Plus - this world folks, I tell ya.

Our time together was really helpful, and I stuck with her even when she moved out of state and we started meeting virtually. She helped me through a huge handful of things, some of which I didn’t see coming back in 2024 when I first went seeking help.

This spring I found myself dreading showing up for sessions. I just didn’t feel like talking about myself. Somewhere between it didn’t feel worth it or it didn’t feel helpful. And then I had this new bag of anxiety of how to deal with these appointments (and this person) that didn’t feel helpful anymore.

(I am still conflict averse - and there is a very low bar for what my brain sees as ‘conflict’. Still working on it folks. Still working. Always working.)

Shockingly, I just brought this up at the beginning of my session. Just that. My therapist decided we should read through my therapy plan (needs and goals) and sure enough we’ve checked off all the things I came in for. Some things had passed. Some things I had tools to manage. Some thing evaporated into thin air (as they do).

She was like “Okay, I think we’ve done what we set out to do”. We scheduled an appointment for a month later so that we’d have something on the calendar in case I needed it. (I did not, I cancelled). We have two more sessions scheduled just in case.

This is less about finishing therapy (I know this is a thing I will just be in and out of until I die), I’m shockingly proud of myself for being brave enough to tell my therapist how I was feeling and to do something about it. It’s so easy to feel stuck in the mindset of “this is a thing I am doing” and to forget about the option of “this is a thing I am in charge of” - and then make the calls to make change.

Bonus

Check out this insanely awesome interview:

An interview on an envelope with Carolee Gilligan Wheeler

The fine print:

I feel like things are changing. I am changing. I have changed - so much from when I started writing here. Eleven years ago. When this was Tiny Letter. And when my whole world was so different. That what I’d built at that time was so different than the plateau I’ve built now.

Mid-life is wild, friends.

And to mark this change, and mark how I want to see and frame the world - there will be some changes coming to this space too. Over the next six month. (My goal / motivation is to clean out the fifty draft posts I have and then I get to make change.)

🧠vanessa