The Goldenrod Chronicles, Would You Like To Scream Into The Void With Me?

I know you want to.

This morning I confessed to M that lately my sleep hygiene has been…less than hygienic. The couch is so comfortable and the dog is so snuggly. The SVU is so engaging predictable. The Instagram is so scrollable. The revenge bedtime procrastination is so comforting. I am (at least) not staying up late doing work-work, so that feels like a win.

And here we are (timestamp) not breaking that trend tonight despite all my best intentions. All my intentions. Without any intentions. Because it is a long weekend and I am in project mode. The good kind of project mode. The kind of project mode I haven’t felt in a while.

The real project is replacing the builder-grade, Oh I thought you were just going to carpet them stair treads from the house build in (OMG) 2018*. There are thirteen gorgeous white oak treads leaning up against that wall that need a little love (read: sanding, Bona) and installation. A thing that seems easy but is actually at least a 20-step process and I’m only a little bit into the list.

But, having a real project is actually an excellent way to complete a smaller side project that has also been in the works for a while. A side quest. A successful procrastination!

That side quest was (FINALLY!) installing real cabinet pulls in the kitchen. But that also meant installing the new panel on the dishwasher and finishing ‘the cabinet door’ project by adding peel-and-stick wallpaper to the set of cabinets by the stairs AND THEN adding the hardware.

All of this to say that I was finally cruising after dinner, with my X-acto knife and Vox podcast and scraper tool and screwdriver and giant sheet of wallpaper. PROGRESS. And I was in the groove until I got into a fight with a drawer pull (the handle kind with two screw holes) that absolutely did not want to cooperate but it was the last one and I was so close to done and I was not going to give up because I am A WOMAN WHO CAN COMPLETE A PROJECT.

And so I was surprised when I looked down at my phone which read 1:07 AM. Surely didn’t feel like it. I thought it was, like, two hours later than I thought it would be. And then, you see, there is a certain time of night where it’s just 🤷‍♀️ because time no longer matters when we’ve crossed the super-extra-late-night threshold.

I won the battle and the war. The handle waved the white flag and I screwed it in tight. There was was peel and stick to shave and (gasp!) tools to put away**. And rice to put away from dinner and spicy chili oil to eat because I am a monster,*** and writing to do and tea to drink. And then - done! Like actually done.

So here we are. (Or, maybe - where are you?) I am here, at the kitchen table, feeling the range (rage) of feelings swinging from worry to anger to angst to OMFG. And I am thinking a good scream might help. They say screaming helps, right? (I know that’s an abrupt U-turn from the kitchen project monologue - but I am just going to assume that you are feeling that angst too and I don’t have to say too much about the why.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll go outside with the dog and spin circles in the 0 degree**** weather and scream and scream and scream and just see how it feels.

But in the meantime, I was wondering what it would look like to draw a scream. Or maybe to type my scream. So - here’s the scream right now.

aaaaaahhhhhhhhAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That’s a pretty classic one. I think that’s a pretty elegant scream and covers all the bases. Maybe tomorrow, after I go outside and scream, I’ll try to draw it - just for fun.

What does your scream look like?
How do you spell your scream?
Drop your scream in the comments and I’ll draw yours too.

We’re clearly in nonsense territory, but that’s just how I like it. But maybe it’s also time to catch some sleep. (I do have to get up early because someone is delivering some more wood for the kitchen projects and I am very excited to receive it).

Have a good scream. (Ha! When it’s cold outside, it’s called an ice scream)
🦐vanessa

*2018? Really. Yeah. I’ve been ‘finishing’ this ‘new’ house since 2018. We’ve decided I’m allowed to call it a renovation at this point. We’re almost done. I promise.
**I am not good at putting things away. Specifically my clean laundry and my tools. Left to my own devices I would just have absolutely everything I own out all the time. Truly. BUT, I do like that living with a person I love (who does not like my things being everywhere, especially tools) has been very good motivation to practice putting things away (but def not laundry).
***When I was a kid, at night I would go into the kitchen and climb up on the counter to get up to the spice cabinet above the TV and I would steal bouillon cubes from the little jar, unwrap the little foil wrapper, and eat them.
****It’s another cold snap and it’s going to be 0 degrees during the day and I think there is something absolutely magical about zero degrees because it feels like maybe the world has temporarily stopped or froze or like we’ve entered some sort of time special quiet time warp. It’s its own little zero magic.