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Darcy's avatar

Vanessa, you make me laugh. I *love* setting goals for the New Year, but unlike in my 20s when "lose 15 lbs" always made the list (eye roll), mine now are things I would like to get done and are 95% measurable and attainable -- and they help me stay on track through the year. I think of them more as smaller goals that are a subset of my life priorities a la Four Thousand Weeks.

I love what Peggy says about the word of the year - mine last year was "patience". It was a good reminder for me throughout the year.

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vanessa jean's avatar

I love this Darcy and I love that it works for you!! And I love how you've changed your approach over the years :) Yay 4000 Weeks! And, now I want to know everyone's word for 2023! Thank you for sharing friend.

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Katie Wickliff's avatar

So funny that I found your Substack (what I thought was) organically, then forwarded one to Darcy ⬆️ because I thought she’d love it, then turns out you are old friends. Darcy is my “new” friend as of the past few years and I adore her. Not just saying because she’s likely to read this comment.

Anyway, NPR’s Hidden Brain podcast just did an episode (You, But Better) on this exact topic...basically, change is HARD, and not something that magically becomes easier with the flip of a calendar page. The behavioral scientist interviewed talks about structuring your life to make the change a bit easier. Changing so you can change, I guess. I think most people probably *know* Jan 1 isn’t a magic date, but they just hope it might be enough. I love how you say, nope-it isn’t!

I also love the guiding Word for the Year. I’ve never paused enough to choose one (maybe because I don’t get an uninterrupted moment during the winter break) but I’m going to do so today, and I’ll post.

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vanessa jean's avatar

Ahhhh! Hi Katie! Darcy texted me last week about how we all got connected. (Also, love that it's through Can We Read? because Sarah is someone I also met 'online' and have 'known' for years now and adore as a writer and human. Thank you for this whole note. I LOVE Hidden Brain and will totally share this with the group. And - maybe your homework should be to make 15-30 minutes (minimum) for yourself to walk, write, get a coffee, move your body or just sit with yourself 💛 So glad you are here. And OMG LET'S ALL TAKE A MOMENT TO AGREE THAT DARCY IS THE ABSOLUTE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Katie Wickliff's avatar

Haha, yes she is!!! And I should amend my statement by saying it’s not that I don’t “get time”; it’s that I don’t “make time” for reflection (see what I did there?)

I do run a lot, and my children are (usually) not with me then, but I always listen to books, music, or podcasts. Same with reading at night! When I’m reading in bed, I’m so grateful to be in ANOTHER world for awhile!

Oooh should my word(s) be “Take the Time”?! I’ll roll it around for the day..

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vanessa jean's avatar

OOOhhhhh you have hit on something here! So, one of the things that I do is have a 'theme' for each month. The first year they were all verbs, last year (2022 is now officially last year!) was all phrases of the word "make" and this new year is going to be common phrases with the word 'time'. And...Take The Time sounds like a great addition to the list :) Happy New Year!

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Katie Wickliff's avatar

Funny! I thought about it a bunch yesterday, and decided to shorten my words to just "Time." Hoping this word serves as a gentle reminder to

-take the "time" I need for personal and professional pursuits (bc no one is going to GIVE me the time-so seize it I must!)

-keep working on understanding the difference between spending quality "time" with my loved ones and simply a large quantity of "time" with them--and learning how to balance the two

-putting more "time on feet" in my running life so I can achieve a "time" running goal I set

So I'm glad to hear your theme and I will definitely keep reading!

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Peggy Acott's avatar

Right there with you - though I hadn't quite thought of the New Years Resolution Industrial Complex, which actually made me laugh, except that it's kind of true - and goodness knows I have had enough "false starts" in resolutions made at various times during the year, no need to pile it on to the day with the Big Pressure. And bravo to the folks who work well under pressure for whom this works. All six or seven of them.

You know, what has been a more successful marker for me to hinge goals on, has actually been my birthday....though that too is far from foolproof, I still like it better. Maybe because it's mine, and not as crowded an event as New Year.

What I HAVE done for the past several years, is pick a Word for the Year, write it down, refer back to it, think about it from time to time. An intention, a north star, a compass, whatever you want to call it. It's not a specific THING to accomplish, but an attitude or overarching intention/direction/guide for how I want to live the coming year. And all the "things" I would resolve are tucked in there somewhere, too, but in a much more positive and human(e) way.

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vanessa jean's avatar

"and not as crowded an event as New Year." Peggy, I adore you! I love the notion of New years being crowded with everyone's intentions :) And birthday's are nice, thank you for sharing that. And ... the word of the year is such a good idea! I think I want to ask everyone now :) What's your word for 2022 and 2023? (IF you're willing to share?)

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Ryerson Valley's avatar

“New Year’s Resolution Industrial Complex”

This isn’t a thing. On all of the levels that a thing cannot be, this doesn’t exist the most.

Do you know what’s dumber than New Year’s Resolutions you just won’t do!? Telling people that there is no way and no reason they will do something BECAUSE it’s a new year.

Some originality, please.

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